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So, Im kinda new to this blogging thing, I never even used the ones on myspace that much.  But Ive been thinking it would be a good thing to be able to write all this stuff down, so here goes.

This recent mushroom trip really made me reorganize my life.  The majority of my thinking during the tripping was about all the stuff I have, the fact that I live in such a beautiful place and all the great friends I have.  That Im not appreciative enough for all the great things in my life.  This was all happening during the trip, and it didn't really touch me.  What did was my dream that night, which was one big mindfuck.  I have never dreamed that emotionally and a dream has never made such a huge impact on my life.  I realized that I have been wasting my potential, letting my body become the way it is and not working out every night anymore.  I realized that I needed to change in order to appreciate myself, not just working out but taking my life into my own hands.  The best way I can explain it is its like my emotions got ripped out, shoved into a blender and given back to me without any instructions for putting them back together.

This was difficult for me to 100% accept, and im still not all the way there.  I am completely drained of energy and emotion, as all of it is going to reorganizing myself.  Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life because of that.  I had no energy, no idea what was going on.  I barely made it through, and today was only a little better.  I some ways this was the best thing that could happen to me, but at the same time its one of the worst things that ever has.  Because of it I feel like Ive gotten a second chance.  I know what I need to do, now all I need to do is DO IT!  Hopefully with this new outlook I will be able to commit to this, and finally make a difference in the way I look at myself.  One of the greatest things that come from this was me finally realizing that there is one person that I like, only one person I want, and that I need to at least tell her if Im ever going to get out of my slump.

Heres my to-do:

-Stay Clean, at least for a couple months, I can't afford distractions

-Get a job: I realized that I have been talking about it for ages, and its time I did something

-Work out: I have been slacking off big time, and this trip revitalized my dedication

-Talk to her: This has got to be the most important one for me.  I think that even if I do all the other ones its not going to make a difference until I do this.

The funny thing is, I knew from a while back that I needed this experience.  I never thought this trip would be it, and as a consequence I wasn't prepared.