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Havn't posted in helllaaaa long.

Chit, did this in digital design

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I had a pretty chill weekend, yadew? Went to Theo's house on friday after school, chilled there.   I woke up hella late (for me anyways) on saturday, and spent most of the day at log shop.  Met a few pros, got some cheap clothes.  Sunday was a beast tho.  Played at logshop in the morning with some guys I played with over the summer.  We did ok, considering we havn't played together since then.  Then went to sudan bbq, chilled with sean and a bunch of sophomores...  I just got back from the skatepark like an hour ago, and the chillest cop ever was there.  He rolled up and I was about to bounce cause I didn't want a ticket, but it turns out he was just there to watch and chat.  Cool guy.

I guess the greatest thing that happened was that I talked to her.  Like, i didn't get to do it face to face, but I called her and did it.  I feel like I was so nervous i forgot a lot of shit tho. Haha, sucks for me.... Now all thats left for me is to try and take it somewhere.  I know I feel really strongly for her, but I still don't know how she feels.  Which is one of the worst things, fasho.  I guess the worst thing that can happen will happen whether I do something or not, so I might as well give it a shot.  Fuckkkk.

Im hella stoked for prom too.  Ive never been to one, plus I've never worn a tux, so Im hella excited to see myself in one.

4

It looks like Im gonna have a summer job at Log Shop.  Thats pretty fucking ideal, especially because I live like right around the corner.  Once again, its because of my recent experience that this happened.  Without the motivation and sense of self that came from this experience I would never have had the nerve to finally go up and ask for a job.  If this works out I am going to be a happy man.  I wont be short of money again, Ill be able to buy a nicer car, I can spend money on my friends.  The last one is especially important to me, because I feel better when I buy a friend something than when I buy myself something or even get a gift.

So this is shaping up to be nice summer.  I like that fact that I am finally getting my life together, that things are finally starting to swing my way.  All I need now is her in my life, and I'll be the happiest man on earth.

The depression and confusion from the trip is finally starting to go away too.  Things are beginning to make sense and my new sense of confidence and commitment is really starting to make a change in my life.  

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Ive been thinking a lot about what I want to do, Like after college and all that shit, and I'm starting to like the idea of getting into politics.  A lot of the shit I do for community service deals with that, and it's really interesting for me.  Last year, when I was working with TUPE to get a law passed in Pacifica was the last time I felt really fulfilled by doing work.  Being on TV, in newspapers and playing an active role in the community was really great for me, it's a pity we don't do as much of that anymore.  

When i went to Humboldt I talked to the professor of Political Science, and that was a very interesting experience.  A lot of what he said made sense and I could see myself having a lot of fun with it later on in life, as well as making a decent amount of money.  This PIA meeting today also made me realize how active I already am.  I got a shout out from the mayor, and a lot of the people there knew me.  Good shit, especially when I think thats what I want to pursue.  Its encouraging to know that I've already made a difference and that people respect me for that.  Im not trying to be conceited or anything, It's just the way I feel.  

Haha, second blog today.  I must be getting addicted...

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So I did community service all day today, we went to IBL and told the 8th graders about the dangers of marijuana.  Every time we do something like this I feel like the biggest hippocrite, seeing as I've done a lot of this stuff, and its starting to bug me.  Thats why this trip couldn't have come at a better time for me, its encouraged my to stay clean and thats what I need to do to stay true with my community service.  Besides, Im not even sure what got me to start doing all this.

So Im changing one of my goals from the last post:

-Stay Clean.  No more illegals for me, I can't deal with them anymore.

1

So, Im kinda new to this blogging thing, I never even used the ones on myspace that much.  But Ive been thinking it would be a good thing to be able to write all this stuff down, so here goes.

This recent mushroom trip really made me reorganize my life.  The majority of my thinking during the tripping was about all the stuff I have, the fact that I live in such a beautiful place and all the great friends I have.  That Im not appreciative enough for all the great things in my life.  This was all happening during the trip, and it didn't really touch me.  What did was my dream that night, which was one big mindfuck.  I have never dreamed that emotionally and a dream has never made such a huge impact on my life.  I realized that I have been wasting my potential, letting my body become the way it is and not working out every night anymore.  I realized that I needed to change in order to appreciate myself, not just working out but taking my life into my own hands.  The best way I can explain it is its like my emotions got ripped out, shoved into a blender and given back to me without any instructions for putting them back together.

This was difficult for me to 100% accept, and im still not all the way there.  I am completely drained of energy and emotion, as all of it is going to reorganizing myself.  Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life because of that.  I had no energy, no idea what was going on.  I barely made it through, and today was only a little better.  I some ways this was the best thing that could happen to me, but at the same time its one of the worst things that ever has.  Because of it I feel like Ive gotten a second chance.  I know what I need to do, now all I need to do is DO IT!  Hopefully with this new outlook I will be able to commit to this, and finally make a difference in the way I look at myself.  One of the greatest things that come from this was me finally realizing that there is one person that I like, only one person I want, and that I need to at least tell her if Im ever going to get out of my slump.

Heres my to-do:

-Stay Clean, at least for a couple months, I can't afford distractions

-Get a job: I realized that I have been talking about it for ages, and its time I did something

-Work out: I have been slacking off big time, and this trip revitalized my dedication

-Talk to her: This has got to be the most important one for me.  I think that even if I do all the other ones its not going to make a difference until I do this.

The funny thing is, I knew from a while back that I needed this experience.  I never thought this trip would be it, and as a consequence I wasn't prepared.